what to do and say to a 16 year old daughter who smoke weed

"No one is immune to the illness of addiction," warns Katherine Ketcham, the coauthor of thirteen books, including Teens Under the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Booze, and Other Drugs – How to Recognize the Problem and What to Do About It and the bestselling archetype Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism.

For the last eight years, she has worked with addicted youth and families at the Juvenile Justice Middle in Walla Walla, Washington. She is also the mother of 3 children.

"I have extreme empathy for whatsoever parent who is dealing with this in their family." Katherine understands the difficulties families go through when dealing with addiction immediate.

"Chances are, if you remember that your kid has been smoking pot, he or she probably has."—Katherine Ketcham

"Although I've written nine books on addiction, I didn't know my own son was smoking marijuana until I constitute the piping wrapped up in his gym clothes. I suspected it, merely I didn't have proof. And I wanted to believe he was not involved with alcohol or other drugs. I knew it, but ignored it considering I couldn't imagine he'd do that."

Subsequently going through an inpatient treatment program, her son is currently in recovery. During a wide-ranging interview, Katherine spoke to u.s. well-nigh teen marijuana use and drug addiction. She told us how parents tin can read the signs and go some assist for their kids—and themselves.

Q. What'due south going on with kids and pot right now? How has the scene changed in the terminal few decades? Is marijuana more potent at present, and if and so, how is that affecting young people who smoke it?

This is why marijuana is so dangerous: the research holds that of the adolescents who enter treatment these days, the majority list marijuana (weed, pot, dope, etc.) equally their drug of choice.

Marijuana is a much more than subtle drug than, say, booze. It gets them into the culture of the drug earth, which is a perilous pace because information technology can pb down the path to drug addiction.

One of the dangers of marijuana is that it'due south much stronger than information technology was a generation ago. Back then, pot, as we used to telephone call it, contained four percent THC. Now information technology'south about twelve percent—which is a significant increment.

We also know from the research that it's a physiologically addicting drug. Once a child gets hooked on marijuana and combines it with other drugs, the chances of getting addicted, peculiarly if they first using at an early age, are very loftier.

And the age that kids get-go start smoking it is going down. In the eight years since I've worked at the Juvenile Justice Heart, the age of the offset high was thirteen and 14. At present I'd say it'southward 11 and 12. And I meet kids who are starting in the fourth or fifth grade.

The perception that it'south non dangerous is widespread. Even most kids will concur that marijuana is a then-called "gateway drug" because as their tolerance increases, they move on to other drugs. And regardless of its legality, information technology often exposes kids to harder drugs and to drug dealers.

It'southward rare for young people to use marijuana by itself. Most kids, in my feel, combine marijuana and alcohol—"the regulars," as they call them. And combining drugs tin can exponentially increase the risk of addiction.

Q. Why is marijuana then popular with kids?

Marijuana is easily available, relatively inexpensive, and it'south becoming legal in more and more places. These factors make it an easy drug to obtain and adds to its popularity.

Just every bit important, though, is that kids say that it relaxes them. They claim it'southward effective for stress and gets rid of their feet.

The anxiety factor is huge. Consider that, by bourgeois estimates, half of immature people with addictions (alcohol, marijuana or other drugs) also take a mental health disorder. The research is clear on the intimate connection between chemical dependency and mental health problems. Of course, it's often very hard to tell which comes first: the drug use or the anxiety and depression. In the end, neither tin can be ignored.

A lot of kids who I piece of work with at the Juvenile Justice Center tell me that they "wake and bake," and use marijuana daily. I take a son who is in recovery, and in his case, marijuana was also his drug of choice. I'one thousand not sure that the reasons for smoking marijuana have inverse all that much, just the motivation or desire to employ seems to exist intensifying. Kids are telling me that their lives are out of control. They experience extremely stressed out and anxious, and I recall their problems are very, very real.

When I grew up, I didn't worry almost kids walking into schoolhouse with guns. And today's movies, video games, and music—I believe they all intensify their stress levels. I think growing upwardly today, unless you're in some kind of protected environment, you're going to see bullying at schoolhouse, pressure level to utilise drugs, and, in many cases, a lack of parental oversight considering both parents are working. Indeed, it'southward during this time after school before the parents are abode and the kids are unsupervised that so much of the problem begins.

We also can't discount the force per unit area we're putting on our children to succeed in the grade of academic performance and athletics. Kids today experience enormous stress, and they crave, as we all do, peace and serenity. Drugs may hope peace, at to the lowest degree the first few times a person uses, but in the long run, they destroy any promise of peace and serenity.

Q. If you're a parent and you smoked marijuana as a young person, do you take a leg to stand on when you talk to your kids most information technology? And should you lot lie virtually it if they ask y'all?

You have two legs! Marijuana was half every bit strong twenty years agone, and nosotros know a lot more about its sick furnishings at present. Personally, I would counsel honesty. Drugs are all near lying and dishonesty, after all, and if nosotros're going to get through to kids, honesty is vital.

Tell the truth, but tell how things have changed. Requite them the facts. Marijuana is stronger than it used to be and we now have research that tells us about the frightening things it does to your personality and your operation in schoolhouse, sports, and every expanse of your life. All the neurological wiring is laid down in adolescence for judgment, reason controlling impulses, empathy, compassion, flexibility, and all those more mature brain functions that help people abound into responsible adults.

You throw drugs into a developing brain and you finish emotional development cold, which is an important reason why information technology takes kids so long to recover from addiction. Recollect about it, most kids don't have their emotional skills congenital upwardly and they take not developed the ability to build strong relationships and to make reasonable and rational decisions.

I'd too tell parents, offset, ready bated your rationalizations. Don't contend that because alcohol and marijuana are legal that they are "meliorate" than "hard drugs." Don't make statements like, "At least he's just smoking marijuana." Learn everything y'all can about booze, drugs, and drug addiction.

Q. What are some signs that might aid you identify whether your child is smoking marijuana?

I remember where at that place's fume, there'south burn. Chances are, if you lot think that your child has been smoking pot, he or she probably has.

These are the big signs: kids' grades slip, they change their whole group of friends, they stop playing sports or going to youth group, their personalities modify, and they get more negative and less approachable. Don't ignore these changes, because they are similar signs on a very dangerous path.

If yous're a parent and see these bug in your child, I would be proactive and talk to your child, limited your concerns, and tell them that yous're keeping an eye out and that you're not going to ignore the situation. Kids practice not respect their parents when they ignore the signs staring right at them. Fifty-fifty as they seek independence, they need and want y'all to human action as their guardians and guides.

Marijuana destroys motivation, information technology screws upwards memory, and it gradually destroys self-esteem. The kids I piece of work with say that information technology makes them experience "lazy" or "dumb." Their grades drop, their ambitions disappear, and their friends change.

In that location are emotional changes too – anger and irritability increment and they often get more paranoid. Depression and suicidal thoughts tin can also exist a by-production of smoking marijuana. Think that while adolescence is always challenging for kids (and parents), it'southward not normal for your kid's personality to change in dramatically negative ways. The more a child uses, the more you lot volition see negative emotions and moodiness build upwards.

Yous may see a gentle, smart, calm child turn into an angry person who doesn't in whatever fashion, shape, or class resemble your girl or son. This was the instance with my ain kid. You will see increasingly dramatic personality changes.

Ane of the keys is to expect at what's happening to your child'due south relationships. People focus on bloodshot eyes, but I focus on how drugs bear upon kids' values. I focus on their dearest of family unit, their self-respect, and the respect they get from others. These are the important bug that people don't generally talk about.

When I tell the kids at the Juvenile Justice Center that pot affects their liver or centre, that it volition change their grades, and they hold but don't intendance ane bit. Only if I inquire, "Has marijuana afflicted your relationships with people?" they await at me and hang their heads and say, "Aye."

So look honestly at your relationship with your child. As parents, of course, we get confused by the normal ups and downs of adolescence. But if y'all have a 12- to 14-year-erstwhile going through some unusual or serious emotional changes and relationship changes, be on your toes. Ask yourself honestly:

• Is this normal boyhood or has my child's personality totally switched?
• What's happened to my kid's relationships?

It'southward also of import to be honest with yourself about your own rationalizations, fears, and denials. Are you doing whatever of the following:

• Exercise you attempt too hard to talk yourself out of your fears?
• How ofttimes do you often making excuses for your child?
• Are you lot protecting your child from the natural consequences of their actions?

The consequences piece is essential—it's how we learn. Take a deep breath and allow your children to experience the consequences of their actions and decisions.

Related content: How to Give Kids Consequences That Work

Q. What should a parent'south role be when they suspect their child is using drugs?

When you suspect your child might be using drugs, the faster you can jump in and be authoritative, decisive, and stiff, the ameliorate. You accept to exist like steel with this disease. When they are using alcohol or other drugs on a regular basis, kids tin be incredibly manipulative and they will lie to your face. The manner they can shift blame around so it's your mistake is unbelievable. They are masters of deception and manipulation.

The truth is that they have to lie to protect their power to continue to use. Lying, deceit, cheating, and dishonesty are part and parcel of this affliction—simply not because the addicted person is a liar or a crook by nature—considering the addicted brain needs drugs in order to function "normally." Lying is one style to escape detection. Ever remember: for an addicted person, the poisonous substance is the antidote to the withdrawal symptoms. In one case addicted, the poison is what keeps away the pain, at least in the brusk run.

And remember, you are the parent. Your first role is to support and protect your child. You know they have a drug problem and it's destroying their lives and y'all know if they have money, they might buy drugs.

Cutting the money off. Baby-sit your wallet. If your child has a part-fourth dimension job and you have good reason to believe they're using the money to purchase drugs, then you say:

"We're taking that money you earn from your job and putting it into an account for yous and then you lot tin can salvage it."

Permit your kids endure the consequences of their decisions.

Q. Should I search my child'due south room if I doubtable he's using drugs?

If you think your child might be taking drugs, I personally don't think information technology's unreasonable to search their room. It'southward understandable that we're afraid to use our ability to impinge on their freedom and independence. Merely if they're in trouble with drugs, they're going to lose their freedom and independence and maybe their life.

Check their rooms and in places you'd never imagine. Check wall sockets, look in their shoes, and take every bit of medication in your medicine cabinet and put information technology someplace under lock and cardinal. That'southward everything—hurting pills, heart medication, sleeping pills, anti-depressants.

Related content: Teens and Privacy: Should I "Spy" on My Kid?

Believe me, kids will walk into their friend's houses, have a few pills and see what happens. Information technology doesn't thing what the pills are. Fifty-fifty if your ain child doesn't have a drug problem, their friends might. Therefore, I would advise that you keep all prescription medication in a condom, inaccessible place in your firm.

Q. What should you lot do if your child is addicted to drugs?

There is not enough compassion out in that location for parents whose kids are addicted. You simply tin can't judge what they're going through if you don't know it.

For those of united states of america who are going through this, y'all face your child's addiction every solar day, and you think, "Will he come back tonight, and will he be alive tomorrow?" You lot're half-crazed by fear and anxiety. And you're fighting something that is seemingly so much smarter than you are.

Addiction is the wiliest affliction that there is. It's intense because it's a disease that literally rewires the brain. The habit says, "Give me more drugs, and if yous don't, I will put you in terrible pain." Withdrawal is the consequence that keeps addicts coming back for more.

The addict knows the pain of not using (withdrawal) and in fourth dimension they become a prisoner of their addiction. Research also shows that if yous're addicted to i drug, especially at a young historic period, then you're encephalon is wired to get fond to any addictive drug.

Go along in mind that you're not your child's friend, you're their parent. Y'all take to stand firm.

And realize that your child has a disease because it will let you to be objective and non take their anger personally. This will help y'all be more than effective in your efforts to get them some help.

Remember, this person who is screaming, "To hell with you, I hate you, you lot'll never understand me" is under the influence of drugs. The enemy is non your kid. The enemy is the addiction that has taken over their life, mind, heart, and spirit.

Approach the problem with love first. I know it'south actually, actually hard, simply say:

"I love you so much and I don't know how I'd live without you, and that'southward why I'm grounding you or shutting off your depository financial institution account or taking your automobile away. You may hate me, but I can't watch y'all destroy yourself. I'll be part of your recovery, but I will not be part of your addiction. But I will practise everything in my power to help you get better."

Q. How should you lot go about seeking treatment for your child?

1 of the heartbreaking things for parents is they often don't know where to go when their child is using drugs. If you can, find a physician who's knowledgeable nearly addictions. Piece of work with your doctor to find the best handling center you tin for your kid. The first pace volition exist to have a chemical dependency assessment done. Your medico should be able to straight you to a reputable institution that tin can do this.

Past the way, if yous're going to the doctor with your child, telephone call them alee of time and say:

"If I were to bring in my child who is fond to alcohol and marijuana, what would your approach be?"

Some doctors tell parents they volition not deal with fond kids. Or they may tell the kid that smoking marijuana is not a trouble every bit long as they keep it under command. Believe it or non, this happened to me when I took our son to the physician to talk almost his marijuana use, and information technology has happened to other parents I know.

If it's decided that your child should undergo handling, there are both inpatient and outpatient programs your child can nourish. Most centers don't specialize in treating adolescents, but at that place are some that do. A good place to start looking for a program is through the American Guild of Addiction Medicine, an arm of the American Medical Association.

When you contact them, you need to inquire:

"Who do you have on staff who understands adolescent addictions?"

And, if at all possible, try to become a mental wellness evaluation. But do this only subsequently your child has been in treatment for several weeks. Addiction creates its own mental health issues, so y'all demand to look until the drugs are out of the system earlier you can go an accurate assessment.

A word of caution: y'all can't get a child sober and then release them back into the community without putting some structure into place. If the handling is but 28 days, which is the standard inpatient stay, make certain that when your kid is released that they have support resources lined upwards. Support resources may include attending Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Bearding, or meeting regularly with a counselor or case manager.

Talk to teachers, family members, and friends and ask for their back up. Educate them nigh addiction and recovery. A child who has all those supports in place has a adept chance to stay clean and sober. Without that support, about 80 per centum of kids relapse. During recovery, it's of vital importance that your child gets into a skilful back up group, where they talk about what's happened to them and how they can become the person they desire to be.

There are 2 reasons to seek assistance as early every bit you lot can. The first reason is to enable you to detect out what'south happening with your child by having a professional step in and help you. Discover someone who tin can see the problems chop-chop and who understands adolescent addiction and co-occurring mental health problems.

The 2d reason is to become help for yourself. Because y'all tin can't practise this alone—you'll go crazy. Try to notice a support group in your area. Contact your local hospitals and community center. In my case, I started a support grouping in our boondocks to help our family bargain with the fall-out from our son's addiction. Our support group continues to exist a lifeline for us as we reach out to others who are going through what we went through.

Q. What can you say to kids before they ever start smoking?

I call back you demand to teach the facts at a really early historic period because they are exposed to drugs at such an early age now. I think information technology's important to talk to them virtually it in elementary schoolhouse where kids are exposed to inhalants – substances such as nail polish, gasoline, and permanent markers. Very young kids are inhaling or huffing those substances and risking permanent brain damage. That's a very serious upshot.

You have to notice a way to talk to them in an historic period-advisable way without terrifying them. I'm a dandy laic in stories. Yous tin can say, "I just heard this story nearly a boy in problem with drugs. And it fabricated me then sad." Say it with love and explicate information technology in terms of another child.

In that location are ways to educate kids with love and compassion for the people who are suffering. Addicted people demand our support and compassion. Always. No thing how many times they relapse. They demand u.s.a. to attain out to them with honey and agreement but also with a business firm grasp of what needs to be done to get them well again.

I would also say that talking about values with your child is paramount. Ask your child:

"What is honesty, what is trust, what does forgiveness hateful?"

Accept a solid, steady ritual where you focus on what it means to be human, what it means to exist skilful, what it means to do bad things. Tell your children:

"We all make mistakes, but practise the adjacent right affair."

99 percentage of the kids I work with at the Juvenile Justice Center say they have been chosen bad kids. I tell them:

"Don't let anyone put that label on you. Nosotros all exercise bad things, but do the next right thing."

References and Further Reading

ElSohly et al. "Changes in Cannabis Potency over the Concluding Two Decades (1995-2014) – Analysis of Current Data in the United states." US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health. (2016) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4987131/.

"Is Marijuana a Gateway Drug?" National Institute on Drug Abuse, National Institutes of Health. (2018) https://world wide web.drugabuse.gov/publications/inquiry-reports/marijuana/marijuana-gateway-drug.

Ketcham, Katherine. Teens Under the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Alcohol, and Other Drugs- How to Recognize the Problem and What to Exercise Nigh Information technology.

Ketcham, Katherine. Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism.

Related Content: Running Away Part I: Why Kids Do Information technology and How to Cease Them

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Source: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/yes-your-kid-is-smoking-pot-what-every-parent-needs-to-know/

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